The Life Of A Cougar

That one time when I became a Cougar ……

As a single 30-something female, the dating scene can be a little sparse. If he’s isn’t married, then he’s in a serious relationship, or divorced with no intention of being in a serious relationship. At my age, the idea of casual sex is not too appealing. I am looking for stability; someone to compliment my lifestyle; preferably, someone who is intellectually, socially and spiritually compatible with me. To this end, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and just leave myself open to whatever possibilities there are. I decided to waive the race and age card and leave myself fully ready to embrace HIM; whoever HE is. Many studies have proven that women are more sexual in their 30’s and can I tell you how true this is! It takes nothing for me to be ready for a good bout of sex. I realized that whoever HE was, HE had to be able to perform sexually with minimum enhancements.

This is where my cougar lifestyle began. HE was seven years younger than me and claimed HE was ‘mature’ and loved older women. Knowing the stigma surrounding these types of relationships, I was a little cautious, as we know that ‘sugar mamas’ do exist and I was not about to be one of those. Whether he thought it was a financial benefit or not, I cared zero, I was actively seeking a partner and if HE didn’t fit the bill, HE was going to be history. We dated and as the relationship progressed, I realized that I was not being fair to myself. HE was the one showing off about me – the great catch; however, the feeling was not mutual as I felt like I was compromising out of desperation. HE certainly was not a great catch.
The sex was out of this world but that was it! My exposure to the world has made me somewhat of a conversation connoisseur.

I craved arguments involving politics, religion and random stuff that happened in the early 90’s. Striking up a conversation with HIM was not stimulating. Compromising my true self for a great sex wasn’t cutting it as this eventually left a void which couldn’t be filled. Not to mention, the side eyes I received from my friends when we went out. All of that didn’t bother me as much as our lacking compatibility. I allowed sex to rule for a little while but then it fizzled out and I vowed never to date another youngling unless we were at least intellectually compatible.I know that some of you have had experiences with younger men or older women, let’s continue the conversation below. This is just the beginning of the conversation so feel free to add your two cents below and let’s make a dollar.
Onome was last seen having a likkle Rum and Ting with a splash of lime juice.

By, Onome Sido

75 Comments
  1. This is interesting I think it’s what we as individuals are looking for at the moment… I think regardless of age. I was 27 when I met my then 21 year old #YoungThang lol I had just gotten out of horrible situationships and was looking for a BRAND NEW experience. I wanted to LIVE and I didn’t really know what that meant until he slid in my DM’s. Almost 6 years later now 32 and 27… he isn’t the same 21 year old I met. I realized I wasn’t all that mature in certain areas and he wasn’t as immature as I thought. The RISK that I was looking for was being satisfied the uncertainty made live exciting for a “square” like me… it wasn’t all that pleasant …but in retrospect…HE was looking for STABILITY and was drawn to that…it was a battle but it worked…we created BALANCE…

  2. The need for mental simulation is of dire importance to the mature woman. Yes, it is without a doubt that physical stimulation and the desire to “have fun” sometimes take over. However, it seems that being a Cougar has to be more than sex. Most women are opposed to simply trading their status for pleasure from a younger counterpart. Although it may occur for a short stint, the reality of lack in stability often kick in. Not everyone can be a Stella; but, the sheer unadulterated passion (even when short lived) is so damn enticing. Great article Onome!

  3. Great sex can only fill the gap for awhile, just as you mentioned. Finding the right HIM will take some time but in the interim I think you should have some good clean fun!… or not

  4. But this is interesting indeed…. so young uns in their 30s and 20s can consider themselves to be cougars! My aunt a 40 year old virgin pastor married her beloved new pastor husband when he was 20 as he approached her that God had told him she was his wife, and she was. At 60 she bemoaned to me that she never thought she would be a widow at 60 having married such a young man. My suggestion as an elder is that the young under 40s free themselves of societies labels and be young! Even though you feel grown up you are just babes in the woods, still children. You should still be playing ring around the roses and enjoying falling down! At 40 you are not older than the 20 year old boy the boy is simply your younger self! He can remind you of the joys of living and you can give him a little insight on how it is to be a bit grown up! Smooches!

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